My Testimony

So, I was thinking about God, and how I really just want to talk about Him on this blog. I've been watching Youtube/Godtube videos, and there are all these people just preaching on there. Sooo many people. Even children. That got me right there. Seeing a little boy on camera talking about Bible passages and what the Holy Spirit had led him to read and understand. It was like God said, "HEY! What are you doing? You want to be a preacher, but you're trying to wait until later to do it. You can do it now!" So I've been thinking, and I really want to use this blog to talk about Him and His Word, basically preach. And then I got a comment from Ms. Brenda saying to pray to God to use my blog to glorify Him. Hahaha, that's God right there. So here I am, and I'm about to tell you my testimony. I figure this is a good place to start so you can know a bit about me, and how much God has really changed my life.

So, I was raised in a "Christian" home. And whenever I use it like, "Christian", I mean people who say they are, they go to church, but they really don't believe or do God's Will. My parents would take my sister and me to an old old church in the middle of nowhere full of older people where my Grandpa would preach. He would get into it and be yelling and chanting and praising God and just full of the Holy Spirit, and I'd be playing tic-tac-toe with my sister. hahaha I was little. When I was about 12 we really stopped going to church. I mean, I wasn't a believer then. Sure, God was real. Sure, satan was real. But I didn't get it of course. we stopped going to church and the world crept into me more than it was. At about the age of 13 I became agnostic/atheist. God had no real part in my life and I really didn't believe in Him. My life was pretty crappy by the way. I was always laughed at or feeling like I was being laughed at, I was ashamed of my body and how large I was, I was ashamed at how stupid and silly I was, I felt like no one loved me, and I was very depressed. I remember I was so depressed I'd lie in bed with a knife some nights, and then I'd get angry with myself because I was to cowardly to kill myself. Thank God I was. A lot of this depression was coming from my father who was always so far-away and uncaring about me besides making me an athlete. That was really all he cared about. I'd have band concerts and my mom would be there, and I'd say where is daddy? Then she'd say something like, "He couldn't make it" or something. After a while I just stopped asking. My life felt so bad even though it was actuallu very good. I tried so much to make myself feel better. I tried witchcraft, satanism, atheism, I even made up my own gods. None of them did anything to stop all the craziness of life. I remember being taught the theory of evolution and shown all the "evidence" that supports it, and I was hooked by one of the most persuasive lies ever to come out of Satan's mouth. I remember being in Honors Biology in 9th grade and seeing believers and thinking how I wished I could be that stupid to believe in God. I really wanted to believe, but I had so many doubts. Then one of my friends invited me to their church which was held in her house. It was nice because I got to hang out with a friend and go to church in their nice cozy church. It was then that God began to work in me I think. He softened my heart a little by little, but I was going to church for the girl rather than for Him. Then Tiffany and I started dating and she invited me to her church and I started going there, once again for her rather than for Him. God really worked through Tiff, Celebration, and other things to speak to me and to show me how real He was. Now, I knew He was there, I had no doubts, but I was not saved. I remember I was so scared of Hell, and I wanted the assurances other people had. I thought God was basically a fire extinguisher. I prayed the sinner's prayer one night, and I cried and called out to God. Hahaha, I thought I was saved, but I went right on back into the same sin I had been doing beforehand. For two years I had been doing this sin. TWO years. And the single longest time I could hold it off without God, just by my own power was a week. A week. I thought I was saved, yet I went right back to doing it. I feel like, that night God prepared me for what was to happen at Chrysalis by opening me up to want salvation for other reasons than for myself. Chrysalis really was an amazing experience and I highly recommend people going there. The three days I spent up there really got me in touch with God. You don't realize how much of a hold the world has on you until you're taken out of it. You don't realize how much of grip Satan has on your life until God shows you. There's so much people don't realize becasue the culture we live in is so saturated with Satan's presence. It makes me sad to see so many people decieved in this world. Chrysalis showed me the truth of the Word. God worked through there to really show me how evil and ugly I was to Him. How much I needed a savior. How much He loved me. I was faced with the ugly, disgusting monster of my sin and I was going to be devoured with Hellfire. I knew it. I was scared to death. The only thing I could do was submit to Him, and beg Him to save me. To repent and hate the sin. Hahaha, and He let me. He saved me and broke me on the capstone then rebuilt me into a new man. I am completely new. I have laid down all the sins that took control of me and have focused my life on Him because He is worthy.

That's my testimony